wei shen me yao ba zi ji gao de na me lang bei?

20170226 Back to reality

Can't believe this morning I was still walking on Kenting Street
Watching the fleet of cyclers dashing past me
(Probably in a cycling routine I guess)

The cattle herd behind the barnyard
Right among the valleys
Missed them so much
Never seen them since the first day (20170216, which was exactly 10 days ago)

They have been transferred to the opposite plain
Watching them grazing peacefully in this moment of serenity
I envy them.

The other 4 horses were grazing quite a distance away from the cattle,
probably enjoying a moment of silence? Hahaha
I would love to learn more about these beautiful creatures,
Unfortunately my time at the farm has run out
It's time for me to say goodbye.
I will miss everyone of you so much (though I can't remember you all)

Arrived at the ZuoYing Station at around 1pm after a 3-hour bus journey.
Wei had asked Fiona and I out for the movie we all have long waited for - A Dog's Purpose!!!
Before this, Wei told me that there were luggage deposit lockers where I could leave my luggage in safe for a few hours.
Well, I looked all over and even asked the information counter, yet no vacant locker was found :(
Not giving up, I swayed all the way to the 3rd floor of Rainbow Market,
decided to inquire the service counter for help.
Unexpectedly, the lady in charge said I could deposit my luggage for FREE *w*
WOOOOOW Noted Hahahaha

After having lunch, we met Fiona at the metro basement
Awwwww long I have never seen her TAT
She's still the same but with shorter hair (cuter)
She came all the way from suburban Kaoshiung (40 mins away!!) just to meet us
Really touched ><

Without hesitation, we set off to the Central Park station
Chen Wei helped buy our tickets for NTD150 each @@
wow that was indeed lowest cinema ticket price I have came upon with!
(Will talk about the movie in my next post)

I shouldnt sleep late :( Relapsed

///

20170205

It's already February 5th. Time bolts like lightning and vanishes like the obscurus.
My English has deteriorated day by day, feeling helpless acknowledging the fact I can't speak and think and write fluently like I did before.

I don't think I should blame others for what really happened on me, it's me who chose to be what I am today. Round and round I go again, in the circle of relapsing and binging and purging.

Every time I said to myself: This would be the last one. Yet it never occurred.

I always skipped the part to talking the truth to myself, ignoring what has happened, guess this is why I kept repeating the bulimic cycle even though I think it's wrong to do so.

And then comes the guilt following the throw up.

please, help//

Living in someone‘s shadow 生活在影子裡

驀地回首

驚覺時光匆匆

我依然

夜闌人靜

可是覺得，心好乏悶，睏意不足以讓我躺下

大概是比較之心又浮現了

就在期末考緊張兮兮的前夕

竟然

提不起勁兒

衝刺

我不是累了

是已經忘了自己到底在為了什麼

總是不經意的拿他人的成功

來跟自己比較

覺得自己好遜

俗話說的好

混下去很容易

混上去很難

回顧高2，高3

渾

她

是我的好朋友

曾是我閨蜜

是我的假想敵

我以為她以前恨我

是因為我比她厲害

但實際上

是我自己修養不足

還要表現出一副理所當然的樣子

看回記憶裡的自己

我竟然對她感到抱歉

而對自己，感到了憤怒和失望

為什麼？

因為

我一直都活在別人的影子裡

我妒忌他人的成就

是我自己沒有毅力

可是卻紅眼他人背後付出的努力

我這是什麼態度啊

妹妹跟我說

她的直覺告訴她

我以前都很假

都很不願意誠實的面對自己

為自己打造了好多副面具

每天換不同的一副

面對不同的人

一直到高三畢業

亦是如此

好累，但我不想承認

所以那個時候

妹妹很討厭我

上了台大

遠離了家

我遇到了教我卸下面具的他

教我如何建立自信心的他

我以為我真的喜歡他

但過了一段時間

我竟然忘記了那種感覺

他也不小心成了我的假想敵

又愛又恨的假想敵

21

一個我都不敢想像

自己即將踏入的年齡數字

可是我的心智還留在17

甚至更低

虛榮

我真的配不上你了

放過我好嗎？

我好想要真正的自由

A letter to Jane Goodall

Dear Dr. Jane Goodall

It’s my ultimate honour to see you in person on this very day. You have been my inspirational idol since I was a teen. Thanks to my teacher, who had introduced you to me, which then ignited my curiosity and interest to know more about you, Dr. Jane. I embarked on the journey of studying the past researches you have done, the projects and events that you have got involved as well as the revolutionary pioneering effect you have on changing the world for a better place.

I was deeply moved by the borderless courage and strong determination you had back 60 years ago, Dr. Jane! As a 23-year-old young lady, you are incredibly fearless and brave to travel to Gombe, plunging into the intriguing yet challenging and full of unknowns’ research of chimpanzees. The time, the patience, the love and devotion you contributed to the chimps family, caring for the young, sending away the deceased, observing details and secrets that were kept unveiled for centuries in the chimps family. I can observe from the interaction you have with the chimps, it is radiating with lots of LOVE. The moment where the released-to-wild chimp came back to hug you had not only touched my heart, it has induced my aspiration to do something regarding the nonhuman animals, rethink the boundary we have set between us and the animals.

Dr. Jane, thank you for not giving up on hope even though how bleak and challenging the situation is. This virtue has been a reminder to me of being mentally and spiritually strong in the pursuits of my goals and realizing my dreams. You are one of the reasons I eventually chose veterinary medicine to begin with, gradually step by step getting closer to achieving my goal. I hope I can be like you (and maybe surpass you :D) someday!

Dr. Jane, I am really interested in getting involved in the Roots and Shoots and other programs that you and the Jane Goodall institute has internationally organized. Trying our best to restore humanity J Honestly, I can’t put my excitement and thrill in words for now I can highlight the top wish on my bucket list ----- To meet Dr. Jane Goodall in person! I really hope that we can keep in touch, for I vowed to follow your footsteps, being inspired and keep on inspiring people!

Once again, thank you and I love you Dr. Jane!

Tired demotivated

.
:/
:(

20161111 Reburst

开始觉得有点累了。
GO！
我要开始调整自己
挺胸！挺胸！挺胸！
杜绝肚腩！
早睡觉早睡觉早睡觉
不管读得完都不完
睡

我的危机意识去了哪里
并不是说我不要太在意成绩
反而变成了“我完全不想理了”！
该念的还是要念
该读的还是要读
该思考的，应该好好思考

好好调整自己
要让自己活得好好的 :)
让自己更好，真正的从心里开心