I need to be DISTRACTED FROM BINGING

The key to stopping my cycle to repeat again is NOT TO START binging on food.
After all these years suffering from this mental depriving mind battle, sometimes I won yet at times I was the loser.

There are certain causes which I realize will lead me to over-eating:-

1. With too much money (?), I will spend irrationally

2. Under pressure, usually academic pressure and peer pressure as well, I am a very competitive person. Still working on it. Learning how to accept imperfections of life better.

3. SLEEP LATE. I find that I will easily turn to food (buy them from 7-11, Family Mart ><) if I sleep late or having sleep deprivation. Honestly, this condition will only get worse for I don't really get enough sleep and will easily turn to the cycle due to the feel of failure.

4. Over restrictive diet. I realize after changing my diet to consume more protein in daily life helps to relieve my urge to binge on high-calorie food after a long time of restriction. It's like a scale, if I got on a side too much, it will bounce to the other side even more. So adequate amount of protein consumption is relatively helpful. (But I really need to think of a way to eat cheaper and healthier)

5.Too self-centered. I have to go out to see the world, to help the needed and to realize how lucky I am as well as learning to be grateful every day. I want to reset my life goal-----I want to lend a helping hand to people and spread the love, lessening the time for over thinking. Be contented and grateful for I have now.

So, I need to think of ways to distract myself from beginning the eating and purging cycle.
Suggestions for myself:

1. Drawing

2. Writing

3. Blogging

4. Talking to someone else

5. EXERCISE!!!!! (Please I need to DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

... (to be continued)

I have to win this battle.

I feel distressed and useless whenever the bulimic thoughts came flooding and the feel of binging on food overpowered my mind.I hate losing my sane self to irrationality, and then the irresistible feel of low self-esteem crushes me to bits. Again.

I knew I felt terribly guilty every single time I wasted money on the food and in the face of the toilet bowl. Wasting money and misusing privileged, this is undeniably unforgivable. I must have puked out thousands of money into the toilet bowl all these years suffering from Bulimia nervosa. 

All those hard earned money from my parents. How could I?
I must cease this war. It's mentally and physically depriving. I can't afford to lose myself again.
Away! Away! Feel of guilt! Away! Away! Bulimia!


Exactly what I encounter. Please help me :(
I HAVE TO WIN THIS FOR MY HEALTH. MY LIFE.

Battling my dark side

I always feel ashamed whenever I lose my bet to my indulgences.
Binging on food that I will never touch in my daily life.
Inferiority and fear had always crippled my heart every single time I am overwhelmed with food, ready to purge, to waste food again.
How humiliating.
Honestly it's indeed exhausting and mental depriving while fighting ferociously with the bullimic thoughts attempting to overpower my mind.

Anorexia nervosa to Bullimia nervosa. Almost 9 years of Tug of War, I don't have yet the courage to tell people about my shameful and sad past. What's even more torturing is when I doubt what others is thinking of me if they find out I puke out everything and waste dozens trillions of food. Probably no one will ever believe in me and desert me. How terrifying.

Please. Give me strength to drive away this devil in me.