Strike

I have been repeating the cycle again lately
but I am afraid to face it.
Every single time I told myself it's gonna be the last time,
yet it reoccurred and reoccurred again.
Many times I came by the thought that I will be in control of myself
however in vain.

Took me months to slim down to the ideal weight I longed for
I don't want to be lazy and fat again.
This addiction is really overwhelming
I really want to get rid of it
BUT HOW?!

Please help me.

I don't want to be defeated.

Honestly, I have taken food as an excuse for not getting in face to face with academics ><
Yet I know the exam is just around the corner.
The growing inferiority in me is creeping and digesting my every single cell,
sending chills deep down my spine.
Every time I look at the toilet bowl,
My heart's pounding really fast,
almost gushing out my thorax like water.
It's torturing my abdomen and thoracic cavity but I seem to ignore the pain?

What is wrong with me?
I need to help myself to get over this obstacle.