20160912 Determination to Change

20160912__Monday__Cloudy

It's the first day of school. Again.
But this time, I am a grade higher.
Marching into the 2nd grade adds on to my responsibility back-pack, realizing that I am not the foolish and ignorant freshman anymore.
I have the responsibility to establish myself, as well as leading my juniors on the long journey of Veterinary Medicine.
.
Summer 2016 has gone in the blink of an eye.
Yet I am aware that my bulimic cycle has begun again.
I tend to wake up at midnights and crave for food binging.
The urge is painfully irresistible, attempted to battle with my thoughts in my mind, ended up giving in to my cravings.
Again and again.
I feel my self-esteem is depleting day by day.
I really loathe this overpowering feeling in me.
I have spent so much time in building up my confidence but it is going down again?! NO!
.
麦麦, Chin Guan and Kok had shown me the true value of THRIFTY.
Most people thought I as a vegan will be extremely thrifty for there's not much I can eat,
however I am the only one clear that it's not true.
Most of my money spent on food has been wasted away through binging and purging,
it's just that I do not dare to tell anyone about this.
.
I feel terrible causing troubles to the cleaning 阿姨,
I hate myself for creating so much havoc to her.
I am the one dirtying the toilet bowl, and she's the pity one cleaning it.
How can I ever forgive myself?
.
I really want to change. I want to change. I must change.
This cannot go on!
I must learn the lesson!
I must keep trying to resist and get over my urges!
I realize the freezing cold of winter will be a great challenge for me if I don't solve this.
.
First step: PLEASE, NO MATTER HOW TIRED I AM, AT LEAST ONE SIMPLE SENTENCE REFLECTING ON WHAT I'VE DONE GOOD OR TO-BE-IMPROVED TODAY.

CAN YOU DO IT FOR YOURSELF, LYERA? :)